Moment

There was one strong moment through all this that I prayed for. I first saw those dark brown eyes lifeless, and I prayed that one day I would see them light up again. Today, grumps woke up. He breathed on his own. He was so sweet to all the nurses giving lots of thumbs up and holding their hands. He is grateful for all they have done. Mom and I spent the day praying for breathing. We wanted him off that vent. Answered prayer here we are!! I just got to look my daddy in the eyes again, no tubes, and guess what? Those big brown eyes are full of life. Thank you God for answered prayers. I am beyond grateful at this moment, and shouting your praises from any rooftop I can find because you have let me walk through what it is like for perform a miracle. I have always believed in them, but this week I have witnessed one. He died, you brought him back, he died again, you brought him back. I am in awe. I am thankful. I am overjoyed. I am humbled. I am speechless. 

What. A. Day.

Waiting...

I have never in my life been good at waiting. This is the worst kind of wait. The not knowing.... The worry of what the future will hold..... So here we are just waiting. I am praying hard tonight dad gets to come off the ventilator tomorrow. Dr says by Tuesday but I am praying hard it is tomorrow! 

The best Tennessee game EVER

Dad was starting to wake up a little. I usually go and pat his hand and talk to him a little. He opened his eyes so I began to talk to him. I told him he was in te hospital like I always say. Then i said "today is Saturday dad, you are missing some good football." And do you know what my father, on a ventilator and heavy meds did? He looked at me, looked around the room and pointed to the TV! I asked if he wanted to watch football am I get a nod. I turn on Tennessee vs Oregon and he seems happy but is trying to tell me something. I ask if he wants his glasses... Again big nod. So there we sit, my father and I, watching the team I grew up watching with him, in this hospital room that I said goodbye to him just days ago in, with a ventilator helping him breathe, and it was my most favorite Tennessee game ever. Oregon was killing them. Dad did lots of thumbs up and an occasional flipping off oregon( which is so dad's personality, if he could talk it would have bee yelling). We only made it to half time before he was asleep again, but that moment, those moments, were a living miracle in progress. I like to think I have witnessed miracles, but to see one take place is the most amazing thing. The fact he can communicate with us is a miracle. He wanted to write us a note and he told us that he wanted us to move him to Jacksonville. I think he realized the severity of his situation but we reassured him we knew what we were doing. I sure hope he understands, but the fact that he was bossing us around while he is intubated is again a strong characteristic of my father. He is strong willed. It is why he is still here. He is a fighter. 

I am so proud of you dad. Praying tomorrow brings you breathing on your own and maybe we can have our first chat. Thumbs up!!

New normal

We are on day 5, or maybe 6 since our world was turned upside down. I faced life without my daddy. Mom faced life without her husband. The magnitude of this week is starting to sink in. Today we finally heard the sweet words "most likely he will live" music to our ears.... Nothing in life is a guarantee. Not one single thing are we promised other than everlasting life. Mom is learning how to run her family after dad doing it for so many years. We are learning that our parents aren't going to be here with us forever and we need to make the most of each moment we are given. He is 63. That is not old. That is me in 28 years. He is not done with this world yet. I keep staring at him wondering what he will say when he wakes up. My prayer is that he is forever changed for the better. I hope he can see through this how loved and important he is to each one of us. I am praying there are lots of years left in that heart of yours, Harold Sartin. You have scared us to death, but I know all things happen for a reason. You went into cardia arrest at a moment that you had people around you to save you. Someone we don't know pulled you from your truck and began CPR. Ems arrived in 3 minutes and performed life saving measures on you. They nurse you had the am was the one that did CPR on you when you arrived here. The EMS guys have been back to check on you. The nurses come each day and make sure you are still doing well. Your lung dr today said you are a small miracle. He is the one that told us your chances of living was 20 % and you were the sickest patient in the CICU. I laugh at the small miracle comment. God doesn't do small miracles. They are all big. You are our BIG giant miracle and I can't wait to tell you that. I can't even go through how many people are praying for your healing. It is beyond amazing. So, remember when all of this is over, that God saved you and He has great plans for your future. I am praying for lots of days ahead of time with you!

Miracles

I believe in miracles. I love to see one happen and people just stand amazed. I like to smile knowing it was not the drs, the medicines, luck, or chance, it was a true act of God. 

Today has been so hard. We got here and dad was responsive to touch. He squeezed my hand. When we asked him questions he responded by shaking his head. He even mouthed a few words to us. A spark of hope.....then we talked with a dr and our hopes faded. He said that he was concerned with his  oxygen levels and the amount of fluid in his lungs. His heart needed to get better without all the fluid. "His chances of survival are not good" to quote the dr. 

Backtrack to the beginning, where I clearly stated I believe in miracles. I know that God can heal him. I am praying that each moment of the day. 

So we each take a moment and say our goodbyes. We tell him how proud we are of him, we tell him out kids love him so much, we tell him that we will take care of mom, and we ask him to fight, but if he doesn't want to fight anymore we understand. We promise him we will be ok. I have seen goodbyes like this on tv. Thy are the ones that make you boo hoo. Today I had to listen to my mom say goodbye to her partner of 40 years. She begged him to keep fighting. I feel like I am in a dream world at this point. My heart is broken. Blake and Patrick both get to talk to him, tonya talks to him, And my  precious husband tells my daddy he loves him. Time stands still....

Stewart and bill come by to see us. It is so good to have a face from "home" I want to cry yet again. Stewart prays over dad  and I simply stand and stroke his hair. I keep petting his head like I do a newborn baby. You just want them to know you are there. I tell him I love him. He mouths back very clearly "I love you too"

I love this man. I look at him so vulnerable now, the man that have me life. My son bears every single feature that pops has on his face. They are identical. It makes me smile. Those brown eyes still have life in them. My hope was deflated this morning but I am bringing it back. I think deep down we know things could go either way but right now all I need to have is faith. I will sit here for days on end and stroke that silver hair on his head. I will tell him over and over just how much we love him. He has never claimed perfection but I think he has always tried to take care of each of us and keep us safe. He's been an amazing dad. Whatever kind of ending this horrible roller coaster I am in has, I know he will feel loved and taken care of by each of us. If God is calling him home, then I truly hope I can rejoice in knowing he is at peace and in no pain. So, daddy, whatever happens we will all be ok. We will take care of things here if it is you time to leave us. We will rejoice for you. Yet deep down, my selfishness wants to rejoice at your healing. So I will continue to pray for a miracle. I don't know if you've heard but I believe in them. 

Life changing moments

Today started like any other day.... Get kids up,run out the door to school, but one single phone call has me changed forever. Blake told me dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to Brunswick as soon as I could, as he was critical. Time stops. The world stops spinning in moments such as these. I have spent the day crying, being strong for my mom, back to weeping with worry for my daddy, back to being strong for my mom....

So here I sit, in a room with ventilators, balloon pumps, and numbers I know nothing about, holding my precious daddy's hand and praying for a miracle. I have tried to pray as many ways as I can, healing power, lots of strong words claiming healing.... My words to God comfort me knowing He hears each one, but my worry deepens with each moment that passes. When the dr talked to us today I saw concern and worry in her eyes. She spoke words of hope, but I saw worry. Then I got to see him. It is a moment I never wish to live again. I pray the next time I look into those eyes they are full of life and joy. The moment I saw him my worry became a huge fear and then something washed over me. It was a wave of peace and comfort. I looked into those brown eyes again and I saw him. I saw he was still in there. I gained new hope. So this began the endless praying again. I sit and pat his leg or hold his hand and pray. Those precious hands still hold a little gold wedding band am do can smile a little. He would hate all yhis fuss about him. He would be telling us all go home. He would be telling me to take care of mom. 

So here I sit, praying and hopeful. If Godis calling my daddy home I will know he has lead a good life. I will know they last thing I said to him was that I loves him. I will know I never gave up faith in his healing, but maybe sometimes God has plans for us we don't understand. But maybe just maybe, God is healing him. I feel a strong presence in this room tonight and I have a strong prayer force out there for us tonight. Each and every prayer is felt here tonight. Through the darkest valleys we feel God's presence the strongest. I can feel it here tonight. 

Harold Sartin, I hope you read this one day. I hope you get to find out that all three of your children came to your side just as soon as our cars would get us here. We took care of our mom as best we could. We fed her, medicated her, and sent her home to bed just like you would tell me to. And I sit here with you becuse there is not one darn thing on this earth that could tear me away right now. You would be so mad at all the fuss, but right now we just need to fuss about you. I want to see your eyes lit up with life. I want your hand to squeeze mine back. I have faith in healing power and maybe just maybe we can chat about it someday.you've worked your entire life to protect us and take care of us. Tonight I just state at you and think of how strong you are. You are a fighter and I am praying that Sartin spirit fights through. I love you so very much and am honored to be your daughter. 

Best friends

Growing up next door to your best friend is pretty priceless :) just a normal day of hanging out today!