Life changing moments

Today started like any other day.... Get kids up,run out the door to school, but one single phone call has me changed forever. Blake told me dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to Brunswick as soon as I could, as he was critical. Time stops. The world stops spinning in moments such as these. I have spent the day crying, being strong for my mom, back to weeping with worry for my daddy, back to being strong for my mom....

So here I sit, in a room with ventilators, balloon pumps, and numbers I know nothing about, holding my precious daddy's hand and praying for a miracle. I have tried to pray as many ways as I can, healing power, lots of strong words claiming healing.... My words to God comfort me knowing He hears each one, but my worry deepens with each moment that passes. When the dr talked to us today I saw concern and worry in her eyes. She spoke words of hope, but I saw worry. Then I got to see him. It is a moment I never wish to live again. I pray the next time I look into those eyes they are full of life and joy. The moment I saw him my worry became a huge fear and then something washed over me. It was a wave of peace and comfort. I looked into those brown eyes again and I saw him. I saw he was still in there. I gained new hope. So this began the endless praying again. I sit and pat his leg or hold his hand and pray. Those precious hands still hold a little gold wedding band am do can smile a little. He would hate all yhis fuss about him. He would be telling us all go home. He would be telling me to take care of mom. 

So here I sit, praying and hopeful. If Godis calling my daddy home I will know he has lead a good life. I will know they last thing I said to him was that I loves him. I will know I never gave up faith in his healing, but maybe sometimes God has plans for us we don't understand. But maybe just maybe, God is healing him. I feel a strong presence in this room tonight and I have a strong prayer force out there for us tonight. Each and every prayer is felt here tonight. Through the darkest valleys we feel God's presence the strongest. I can feel it here tonight. 

Harold Sartin, I hope you read this one day. I hope you get to find out that all three of your children came to your side just as soon as our cars would get us here. We took care of our mom as best we could. We fed her, medicated her, and sent her home to bed just like you would tell me to. And I sit here with you becuse there is not one darn thing on this earth that could tear me away right now. You would be so mad at all the fuss, but right now we just need to fuss about you. I want to see your eyes lit up with life. I want your hand to squeeze mine back. I have faith in healing power and maybe just maybe we can chat about it someday.you've worked your entire life to protect us and take care of us. Tonight I just state at you and think of how strong you are. You are a fighter and I am praying that Sartin spirit fights through. I love you so very much and am honored to be your daughter. 

Best friends

Growing up next door to your best friend is pretty priceless :) just a normal day of hanging out today!

My most favorite moments

Just in case I think their lives have flown by, I want to remind myself I stopped to enjoy some of these moments. Life is busy, but the moments we stop to snuggle are worth a million moments to me. I adore these children of mine! Feeling blessed tonight :)

Best friends!

He is growing up wayyyy too fast!

Smart girl

Kennedy is doing a unit on the wizard of oz. she came home tonight and wrote a "book" about it. I love her little brain! She is so smart! :)

Life

Life gets so overwhelming. August is a hard month around here. It means school, getting back into a routine, not getting home until who knows when each day, after school activities, soccer.... The list goes on and on. Today I  worn slap out. I want to crawl in my bed the minute I get home. I am tucking Kennedy in tonight and I kiss her sweet 6 year old head and tell her how proud I am of her. Her reply "mommy, I am so very proud of you too." I think in her heart she is 100. Such a small thing to say, but she means every word of it. I cannot imagine life without my sweet girl in it. So much heartache went into the road to get her, and I think it is what made her extra special. I am so, so, proud of your heart my Kennedy. I hope one day you will see how honored I am to be your mom! 

Moments..

There are moments I just want to freeze and never forget....

--k and whit's first day at the same school. They talked about how they saw each other and after school care and I get all teary because they are finally together and have each other now when I can't be with them. It warms my heart.

--the way k beamed today when I picked her up from dance. It was her first jazz class and you would have thought she just won a million dollars :)

--the arms wide open run whit have me when I picked him up from school on his first day... It was a precious moment and then her ran right past me and went back to get his book bag ;) oh well, I enjoyed it for a minute! 

---and my favorite thing of the week so far...which might sound dumb to you... K walks to her room after we read a book and I hear "goodnight whit" from her room and a sweet "goodnight Kennedy" reply from his room.... Tear, tear..

Moments of being a mom are hard. There are times this summer where I have looked at my children and wondered if maybe they had morphed into some alien creature instead of the precious child I know. I have cried with worry over them. I have stood over their sleeping selves and prayed and prayed. It is my favorite time to pray for them, just watching them sleep. I loved swaying whit at night when he was a baby. I would just sway and pray and cry hoping them moment would last forever. Time passes and life gets in the way. I am ok with the passing of time because occasionally I stop and breathe it in. I take their childhoods and soak in the moment we are in. I leave my house a mess and play with them. I wish I did that more. I wish I could only worry if I was spending enough time with my family. I wish I was a perfect mom with a gentle spirit that could handle anything that is thrown at me. I wouldn't call my spirit gentle by any means but I will thank God for blessing me with clarity. Tonight I was filled with such peace. I was given a precious moment to sink in, and all it was was hearing my kids tell each other goodnight. Two miracles, simply saying something to each other, but to me it was if I had heard the most magical words. Mom moments are so precious. I am thankful each and everyday to be a mom to these two. Tonight I am thankful for the memory of that sound, just sweet brought sister words that blessed my heart. I hope you always know that you are blessed to have each other Kennedy and whit. I know I am blessed to be called your mom. :)